


Not Your Time

by sarabeth1



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt, Keenler - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9100627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarabeth1/pseuds/sarabeth1
Summary: When a joint FBI/Halcyon Op goes sideways what lengths will Ressler go to in order to keep his partner, Elizabeth Keen, safe and how will she react to his actions? *Keenler Three Part Fic*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this mini Keenler 'multi-chap' that was intended as a one-shot but took on a life of its own. Reviews are always greatly appreciated and help motivate fanfic writers.

**Not Your Time**

**Chapter 1**

"37 year old male, multiple GSW. One to the chest, shoulder…," the medic spewed off the stats as they transferred the already natural pale ginger from one gurney to another. The blood stained sheet carrying his nearly lifeless body. "Fluids on board. We lost him once on the bus. If you didn't get the message already he's a Fed," the medic stated as he glanced behind. "His partner will be here…," before he could finish a flurry of brunette hair flew in.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Not wanting to get in the way of the doctors and nurses as they worked furiously on her partner. Her best friend. She was unaware of the blood stained on her face. On her hands. Her jacket. None of it her hers. All of it his. Too much of it his. The blood dripping on the floor. It was Anslo Garrick. Except a thousand times worse. Why? Why did he do it? Why did he have to be a damn hero?

"Don't," she croaked.

"Ma'am?" a nurse questioned.

"Don't let him die," she managed this time.

"We will do all that we can," the nurse offered with a weak smile.

She knew that smile. It was the "it doesn't look good and prepare yourself smile".

"Don't let him die." She locked eyes with the nurse one more time before slipping in and grabbing his hand. "You don't get to leave yet. You don't tell me what you told me and then die on me." She nodded to the nurse then slipped back. "Just don't."

She was backed up against the glass wall and watched as they worked to stabilize him and when the monitors began to go off she felt her heart sink. That's when familiar arms pulled her gently out of the room and in their warm embrace. It was something that he refused to acknowledged but it was a relationship that she knew and it was the one person in this world she needed more than ever to be there. She clung to him as if her life depended on it as chaos erupted in the room behind them. Her back to the room and his eyes never leaving the action. His soothing voice in her ear and the circular motion on her back.

"He will make it, Lizzie. Donald's a fighter."

              IIIIIIII

**36 HOURS AGO**

_**RESSLER** _

"Come on, Keen. Don't ask for a ride and then not be ready," Ressler groaned as he sat on her couch watching Agnes blow spit bubbles as she rocked back in forth in her swing. "Don't pick up this habit ok, Aggie?"

"Why do you always gotta rag on her?" Tom Keen walked in to the room.

"Why do you always have to butt in to matters that don't pertain to you? I wasn't talking to you." Ressler got up and shook his head.

"It is my house so it sort of does."

"That Reddington paid for, right? Or was it your new employer? The one who was responsible for Liz nearly getting killed?" Ressler rolled his eyes and was at the door before Tom could respond. "Tell Liz I'll be in the car."

Ressler got in his car and huffed. He put up with Tom Keen when he had to but he really hated every moment of it. And what he hated, really hated was that Liz was fine with Tom working for Halcyon Aegis. And that viper Scottie Hargrave. Sure, Tom believed she was his mother and that led him to accept a job from her to learn more of his background but that didn't make it any better. She was still the reason Solomon attacked the church and Liz gave birth to the little spit machine in an abandoned club and why people lost their lives on a stretch of road that would always remind him of a pain so deep even her presence would never erase.

"I can't believe the two of you, really Ress? Really?" Liz huffed as she slammed the door shut.

"Tell him to mind his own business and we won't have any problems," Ressler snapped as he put his car in drive. "How you can get behind him working for that viper is beyond me."

"He wants information on his mother. Best way to get that is to get close to her. I can understand that," Liz tried to reason with him.

"A mother who sent a team of trained mercenaries to kidnap you and ruin your wedding. Oh, mother of the year right there Liz. Again, I ask, how you can get behind that is beyond me."

He kept his eyes on the road as the snow came down. It was going to be a snowy one the next couple of days and he prayed Reddington wouldn't bring them any blacklisters to track down. That was the last thing they needed. Liz was just newly reinstated, after Reddington used a favor on the newly elected President to get Liz a pardon. They were just now getting a new groove with a combination of him, Liz and Samar working the field together. And it was an awkward transition to say the least.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Her eyes were boring in to him like daggers. He could feel them as he kept his eyes on the road. Oh, great. She didn't know. How the hell did she not know? This was going to be great.

"You don't know?" he scoffed. "He seriously didn't tell you? No one told you?"

"Pull over."

He shook his head as he continued to drive. Changed man his ass. Tom Keen would never change.

"Pull the damn car over right now." Liz smacked his arm hard causing him to swerve on the slick pavement.

"Dammit, Keen. What the hell." He pulled over and turned to look at her. "If your 'husband'" and he said with air quotes as he was growing increasingly annoyed with their use of the marital terms when they were not in fact married "can't tell you the truth that is not my problem. I'm sorry if I assumed he would have."

"Tell me everything."

"There's not much to tell other than Kirk hired Halcyon to kidnap you. Simple as that. And Tom knows that. He knows that whole team was responsible for that accident that lead to Agnes being born in a damn shut down club. And if it wasn't for the fact that she is his mother he would have put a bullet in her head. Mother or not, Liz, there's no excuse. And there is no excuse for him not telling you." He turned his attention to the road. "You think he's changed. That he tells you the truth? You're a fool."

He felt terrible calling her that but it was true. He knew a few things about the man she shared a life with. Things he wouldn't share because they would hurt her. Things that were a bit questionable but not technically cheating. Things that if it were him he would say no to. There was no mission that would allow him to use that to get the job done. Not while he had someone like Liz and a daughter like Agnes at home waiting for him. Tom had a life most people would kill to have and he risked it all every day for answers that he didn't need. For a mother who was cold as ice. For a father who Ressler would run from not run to. If this was the family Tom was running to then Liz should be running the opposite direction. But, she was going to do what she wanted and to hell with everyone else.

"I'll talk to Tom. You don't need to worry about us."

"I worry about Aggie. That's who I worry about. You two are adults. You make your own decisions and you deal with the fall out. She can't. Just make sure she doesn't suffer the consequences." Ressler refused to look at her as he pulled the car back on the road. "I think if there's field work today it's best if Samar and I go out."

And that was that. They didn't speak for the rest of the day. The silence in their office was so unbearable that Liz eventually left and worked at the empty desk next to Samar's in the war room. When it was nearing time to go home he headed out to see if she was ready to leave only to find her and her things gone. Only Samar was left. She glanced up to give him a sympathetic smile. Throwing her pen down then putting her chin on her hand she addressed him.

"She had Aram take her home. Said she didn't want to bother you. I'll leave out some of the other things she said."

"I can imagine." Ressler set his jacket and bag down.

"You can't make her see the truth about him. Only she can do that," Samar offered.

"I can't sit back and watch it. He didn't even tell her Halcyon was responsible for the attack on the wedding."

"And she'll give him hell for it. What is really bothering you?"

"Tom and that girl, Nadia? That last joint op we had to work on. Did you see the way she was looking at him?" Ressler leaned in, his voice almost a whisper.

"Ressler, you can't fault him for the actions of another." Samar laughed. "But, yes. I did see she paid an extra interest in him. Her gaze lingered longer than it should. An extra touch here and there. Where are you going with this?"

He let out a loud sigh. "He betrayed her trust once before. Hurt her. I won't let him do it again."

Samar looked around. "Be honest. You two had a thing, didn't you? Before all of this? Before Connolly? I saw the way the two of you were and saw you after."

"Navabi," Ressler warned.

"You don't think I was observing? Watching? Come on, Ressler."

"It's none of your business. And if there was anything there was no time for it to go anywhere. And she sure as hell didn't feel the same as I did. That much was obvious. Go home. It's getting late and the roads are a mess I'm sure. I'll see you in the morning." He started to walk away then turned back. "And, uh, this conversation," he began.

"Never happened."

He just nodded and smiled his appreciation as he headed to the elevator. The nagging feeling of something going on between Tom and the new member of Halcyon, Nadia, refused to leave him. He couldn't decide if Tom had acted on anything with her but he could tell there was something between them for sure. He didn't trust Tom Keen as far as he could throw him. And the way he had been acting lately, trying desperately to fit in the world his parents created. Almost as if proving he belonged there so that when the day came for him to reveal himself they would welcome him with open arms and be proud of their long lost baby boy. It was enough to make Ressler want to vomit.

IIIIIIII

Ressler walked in the Post Office early the next morning, not surprised at all that Liz didn't ask for a ride. Aram had sent a text stating he would be taking her and would he like a coffee on their way in. He declined and hoped to beat them in. He strolled in and was surprised to see Red and Dembe along with Harold Cooper waiting for him in his office. Their faces somber. Once he entered, Dembe shut the door.

"Good Morning, Donald."

"It doesn't appear like it's going to be," he huffed as the took off his jacket.

"Might as well keep that on," Cooper stated. "The rest of the team is already at Grey Matters. We will be joining shortly. We need to fill you in on the details that won't be shared with the rest of them."

"I thought the last op was the last op with them." He crossed his arms. He hated working them. Especially once Howard suddenly appeared and that was only once Tom came onboard. It was a curious coincidence. One Ressler found not so coincidental.

"The Blacklister we are going after is one that Howard Hargrave has been looking for since the day his son disappeared. He has had his suspicions for years about who was responsible for the kidnapping of his son Christopher and now he has proof. Your job is draw him out in the open. Halcyon will take care of the rest," Red explained.

"So, we are drawing out the man responsible for Tom's kidnapping so Tom can kill him?" Ressler took his coat off. "I'm not behind this and will not be part of this. And I can't believe you are either."

"Scottie bringing Tom on drew attention and Dante Withers has resurfaced. He took Tom as a young boy and just dropped off. He didn't just fall in to the hands of the Major. He was put in a place where the Major could watch his moves so when the time was right he could make his move. What would hurt the Hargraves more than having their sweet boy turned in to the one thing they wanted to shield him from? Well, now it's been proven that didn't do the trick. Chatter has indicated that Withers intends to find Agnes at any cost and kill her. Preferably with Tom watching. So, yes, Agent Ressler. I believe you'll be putting that coat on and coming with us."

Ressler felt a tightness in her chest. Damn him. Once again, Tom Keen was bringing a danger in Liz's life. And Agnes'. That sweet innocent little girl that he would never admit but was the only one who could truly melt his heart. Red was correct. He would do whatever it took to keep Agnes safe. She didn't chose the life she was born in to or the dangers in it. And he would move and heaven and earth to protect her.

"Why do I get to know the truth?"

"We have Agnes at a safe location. Both Liz and Tom are unaware of who Withers truly is. If either of them knew they'd be too emotional. Imagine finding out that the person responsible for taking you away from your family wanted your child dead. Could you do your job objectively?" Red questioned.

"Why do I get to know the truth?" Ressler asked once again unhappy with the answer.

"Tom has his suspicions. Troubles are brewing at home with him and Elizabeth. You, Donald are to protect Elizabeth. She is to blinded by Tom. I will not allow her to be put in harm's way for him. Withers needs taken out for Agnes' safety. If it was just to settle an old score I'd let Howard take care of it."

What was left unspoken was that Reddington wanted assurances that Withers was taken care of. Ressler knew Red well enough by now to know that Withers was Howard Hargrave's to take. Any move on Red's alone to take the man would be seen as a betrayal and Red wasn't interested in going to war with Howard and his mercs at Halcyon. So, he needed his eyes and ears within the Task Force to assure that Withers was in fact either taken out or in Hargraves custody before he could feel safe to allow Agnes out of her safe location. That is all it was or. Or else Hargrave and Halcyon would be left to take Withers out on their own.

 

IIIIIIII

**2 HOURS AGO**

_**RESSLER** _

"You shouldn't even be here, Keen," Ressler hissed as he tried to warm himself up in the van. The snow was still steadily falling. He was surprised the city hadn't shut down yet. There was no heat in the van as they didn't want the exhaust to show.

"I'm an Agent now, Ressler. So, don't pull that "you're just an asset crap with me" like you used to when you didn't want me in the field." Liz pulled her coat tighter.

"Well, sorry if I thought you should be getting home to your kid in one piece. Sue me." He rolled his eyes at her and watched through the camera as Tom and Nadia walked down the street and in to the café. "It's a load of crap they get to sit a warm a coffee shop while we freeze our asses off. And we are running point."

Liz glared at him once again. Then picked up her cup and growled when she tasted the cold drink. All he could do was laugh as she slapped his arm playfully. Ressler was thankful she seemed to be over their argument from yesterday and it felt good to laugh with her after the tension. His laughing stopped when he saw the scene unfold in front of him behind the camera lense. Liz sat up straight in the seat next to him and demanded to know what was wrong. I'm gonna kick Tom's ass, was what he wanted to say, but he refrained. So, he lied and said it was nothing.

"Was he kissing her again?" Liz asked softly. Her head down.

"You know?"

"They often go undercover as a couple. I've called him on it. He says its nothing." She picked at the rim of the coffee cup.

"Do you think it's nothing?" Ressler asked her.

"I think undercover or not, I'm not ok with it."

Ressler frowned. He looked at their cold cups and felt his cold hands. She deserved better. After all she'd been through she deserved far better than that shit bag. Well, said shit bag wasn't going to be the only one with a warm drink. There was no rule saying he couldn't get a drink. He just couldn't look like a fed and scare off the mark. So long as he and Liz didn't blow the cover it would be fine. And there was street vendor not more than two doors down with a perfect line of sight. They would be fine.

"Keen, we are going and getting us some warm coffee and maybe a muffin," he ordered as he shed his vest.

"Ressler, what are you doing?"

"I can't very well wear this can I?" He pointed to the FBI logo. "Doesn't match my outfit. Yours goes well however," he joked pointing to her hoodie she just zipped up all the way. The Kevlar hidden perfectly under it as she pulled her coat on tighter. His however showed through his coat.

"You are not leaving this van without it. That's an order," Liz snapped with her arms crossed.

"Christ, Keen. It's just a walk down the road for coffee. I'm not walking in to a gun fight." He glared at her as she refused to move. "Are you serious?" If it was possible she glared even harder. "You're serious?"

He tried to stare her down. He knew for a fact the shit bag wasn't wearing a vest. He was cocky and said it would get him caught if anyone even suspected it. Yet, Liz didn't put up a scene that he refused. Here she was being a pain in his ass about him putting on his Kevlar just to take a quick five-minute walk to get a warm cup of coffee. Then, she did the last thing he expected. He forced himself not to slap her hands away instead he just stared her down. Stared deep in to her eyes trying to figure out what the hell got in to her head.

What the hell, Keen?" he finally managed when she had his shirt half buttoned.

"Put the damn thing under your shirt, you ass. I'll finish the job if you don't. And we will both have to live with the awkwardness of it."

Instead of arguing with her, which would end up being pointless, he just shed his dress shirt and threw the Kevlar on over his undershirt and tucked his shirt back on. Everyone else had time to change in to their civvies, but no. Not, him. Because he was graced with the truth behind the op he had no time to dress down. If so, he would have had more time to choose an outfit to better conceal himself. When he was all done he raised his eyebrows at Liz who smiled approvingly at him. She grabbed her purse and jumped out the van and ran to his side. Once again, she caught him off guard when she tucked herself in to him and put her arm around his.

"You kind of stick out in that suit, Ress. At least act like you are my boyfriend meeting me for a coffee break of something," she said as she smiled up at him.

"Remember she's my wife, boy scout," Tom's voice cut in.

"Who let him in on our frequency?" Ressler hissed. "Aram?"

"Sorry, he made me," Aram admitted with a bit of hesitancy.

"They don't get on our frequency until I say so, or until something happens," Ressler addressed Aram. "And Keen, she ain't your wife. Not now, remember. That woman sitting next to you is. So, get back to her or you'll blow your cover." He wanted to say, she isn't your wife and if he had a say she would never be but it wasn't the place when a whole team of FBI agents and mercenaries were listening.

Liz pinched his arm and he shot his head down to her. He expected to see a frown or an angry look. But, instead he couldn't read what it was. She was sad. That much was obvious. But, he couldn't read the other look. They stopped at the vendor and Ressler ordered two coffees and two muffins that were probably past their prime but his stomach was grumbling. As he turned to look at her, he caught sight of their mark. Of, Withers making his way towards the coffee shop. He took the coffees and pulled Liz towards a bench across from the shop.

"He's here," he stated as he took a sip of his coffee trying to act casual in case any of Withers men where around.

This wasn't ideal. He had hoped when they saw Withers approach they'd be in the van and not in the open like this but he could think on his feet and formulate a new plan. He was better than most gave him credit for. He scanned his surroundings and noticed Liz doing the same but to anyone looking at them they appeared to be a couple taking a stroll together. Assess, formulate, then make a move.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments/reviews! You guys are wonderful.
> 
> Enjoy Chapter 2. As you can tell your kind words motivated me to put up a second chapter in day so let's see how quick you can get me to update the final chapter!

**Not Your Time**

**Chapter 2**

 

_**RESSLER** _

Ressler kept his eye on Withers the entire time he relayed to the team what he wanted. He moved Navabi and Nez Rowen to the back entrance of the coffee shop and made sure the sniper was on place on the roof. He didn't feel especially safe and secure knowing who was on the other end of the sniper rifle but apparently that cockroach managed to live another day and found his way back in the warm welcoming arms of Halcyon after having to make nice with Tom. Regardless, everyone was in place and local PD were on standby. He had yet to have Aram patch him in to Tom.

"Do we enter the coffee shop?" Liz questioned as they continued to watch from their bench.

"Yeah," Ressler hissed. "I have no clue if Tom saw him enter or not."

Ressler was angry. Tom and Nadia were engrossed in conversation and it was unclear if they noticed Withers enter the shop and take a seat behind them. He couldn't be sure as neither made a move or changed their body language. Ressler asked Aram to put them in to Tom as his tossed his coffee and made his way towards the shop.

"He is right behind you. Blue wool coat, black scarf. Did you see him enter?"

"Damn," Tom growled.

At that Ressler saw him tense.

"We are headed in. Don't make a move. Liz and I will enter from the front. Navabi and Rowen from the back. Solomon," he spat the name out like poison "has a sniper position on the roof."

Tom merely nodded. Ressler and Liz entered and once again Liz wrapped herself around him like she was his girlfriend as they got in line to order drinks. Liz was being overly sweet and Ressler had to wonder was it to keep Withers off them or to annoy Tom.

"Isn't he so sweet? Meeting me on his lunch break because he was busy all day yesterday with work and he missed me so much?" Liz gushed to the barista behind the counter. "And he works across town. I am so lucky to have a guy like him." She smiled up at him then stood on her toes and kissed him on the lips. When he didn't respond right away she giggled. "This guy, so against public displays of affection."

"You are so lucky girl," the barista whispered as if he couldn't hear. "He is hot."  
"Right?" Liz agreed. "Can I get a chocolate croissant too?"

Ressler turned his head to see Withers watching Tom and ignoring them. He was concerned he'd notice Liz but they had her conceal her appearance a bit with a red wig and glasses. She didn't understand why exactly, so they fed her a line about it being a blacklister who knew who she was and if they saw her it would ruin things so she agreed. They grabbed their drinks and pastries and tried to get a seat near Tom so they could wait for the perfect time to snag the target. The seat they picked was with Liz's back to Tom and Withers but with Ressler in perfect view of both.

"What's going on?" Liz asked softly.

"Well, Tom is mouthing that he's going to kill me," Ressler chuckled as he leaned in closer to Liz "and Withers looks like he about to kill Tom. So, we have that."

"And what exactly is the plan?" Liz leaned in even closer.

"Keen, we are in a very dangerous situation. Are you trying to make Tom jealous?"

"I'm trying to keep a cover going for us so that we can get this guy."

He just nodded and took a sip of his drink. Ressler smiled at Liz but stole a glance at Tom. He tried to understand it. He really did. What would make a man want to risk something he worked so hard to have just to find out about the past. Why stir up demons that could harm those you love. Part of him didn't fault the man for wanting to know the truth but he damn sure faulted him for not making sure Liz knew each and every risk that was associated with it. And Withers, he'd never blame Withers on Tom. This one, he'd get a pass on. But, it was just more proof that a desire to follow in his parents' footsteps and to delve in to his past could prove deadly. And there had to come a point when as a man with a family of his own you would have to choose. The past or the future.

"Is he getting nervous?" Liz questioned breaking him out of his thoughts.

Ressler smiled at her again and while keeping his attention on her, he managed a quick scan with his eyes and noticed Withers was getting fidgety. He kept playing with something near his pocket. Likely a gun or something to use to subdue Tom. As much as he hated Tom, Liz loved him and he was Agnes father. This man meant to take Tom and to find Agnes and kill her in front of him. Ressler could not and would not let that happen. Liz obviously had a plan.

"What's your plan?"

"Do you trust me?" She asked and when he nodded yes she took a deep breath and closed her eyes. "Follow my lead," she said softly then grabbed his face with her hands and devoured his lips. Their coffee cups falling to the ground as she pulled herself up and over the table.

Ressler was startled for a moment. This was his partner. His friend. But, she was also the woman he loved. The woman who he loved but who loved another man. This was all for show. His heart was going to have to reconcile all that later. But, right now. Oh, he was going to give her all he had. And make her forget there was ever a man named Tom Keen. She wanted to play this game. He'd play. And, when the dust settled and all was said and done when the questions came, if the questions came, he could say he was undercover and he did what needed done. She never needed to know it was his true desire coming through. She would never need to know. Because for her this was an act. For him, it was real.

Tom, Nadia and even Withers all turned their attention to Liz and Ressler making out like two teenagers. Liz had crawled across the table and was now straddling Ressler who was being careful not make her gun noticeable as his hands roamed across her body. He cursed her damn Kevlar but then again this was not real and it would not have felt right so it was a blessing. He kissed her mouth, kissed her neck. He felt her suckle his ear and nearly lost it when she started to move her hips. Thankfully, that was when the barista came around and shyly asked them to leave.

"Oh, my," Liz giggled. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me." She pointed to Ressler. "Or him. I'm so sorry."

"We will leave." His face felt warm and he imagined it was flushed red. Ressler tried to straighten his coat as Liz tugged him along. She stopped right in front of Withers and pushed Ressler right against the man's seat and started to kiss him again. "Beth, come on," he chuckled as he pulled her off him. He turned to the man with his back now away from him. "I'm sorry man," he offered while reaching for his gun.

At that same time so was Liz, Tom and Nadia. He heard Liz say "Go" and Navabi and Rowen came rushing in the through the back at the same time he had placed his weapon to the man's temple. Ressler had him face down on the table and was about to cuff him when he heard Liz yelp and Tom curse. It was enough to draw his attention from Withers for the briefest of moments and for the man to push himself away from him. The sight in front of him made his blood run cold. The barista who had teased with Liz now held a gun to her head while Withers had somehow gained the upper hand and held a gun to Nadia's head. Tom was now next to Ressler. Both men blocking the front exit to the coffee shop. Navabi and Rowen standing behind.

No one had a clear shot. Solomon kept asking them to move so he could take the target out but it wasn't safe. And Ressler didn't trust Solomon not to allow for collateral damage. That SOB would not hesitate to allow Liz to take a bullet if it meant getting his target. He locked eyes with Navabi then looked up and towards the roof with his eyes and she got it right away and rushed off. Neither fully trusted the Halcyon team. And Liz's life meant more than some target. What Ressler found odd was that Tom had his weapon trained on Withers, not the woman with the gun trained on Liz.

"Put the gun down. You are not getting out of here," Ressler growled. "We have snipers. The roads are shut down. And if that wasn't a problem, look at the weather. The snow is coming down hard and fast. Won't be an easy get away that's for sure. Come on man, let the women go. They can't get you out of here," Ressler attempted to reason.

"You think I'm going to let the Hargraves win? Let them have their happy ending? I took their kid to hurt them. And put him in the hands of that psycho McCready and look how he turned out. And still they embraced him."

"McCready?" Tom shook his head and blinked for a moment. "What do you know about him? What do you know about me?"

He actually wished they had clued Tom in on this. How Red didn't think Tom would find out the truth like this was beyond him. Or maybe he did. Maybe it would make it easier for Tom to just kill him and not bring him for Howard to do whatever he had planned. It would make it cleaner for Red. He'd know for sure, without a doubt Withers was neutralized. Was that the plan all along?

"Scottie may be clueless that she has her long lost son working for her, but not Howard. Howard found you. Howard's known. He's the one who told Scottie to hire you. They've embraced who you are. What you are." Withers laughed a sadistic laugh. "I tried to use you to hurt them and that didn't work. So, the only way to hurt to them is to hurt the child. And Reddington hid the brat." He nodded to Liz then tapped his gun to Nadia's head and smiled proudly. "So, I found something rather curious. You love them both. So, Christopher. Which do I kill first. Your wife? The mother of your child? Or your mistress?" Withers questioned. "But, know this. I'll still find the child. I will destroy your parents. And leave you a shell of a man."

"Take the shot, Solomon," Tom hissed.

Ressler moved closer. Son of a bitch. Take the shot? No way. Not yet. Not this soon. Liz's eyes were huge as tears fell.

"Solomon isn't here," Navabi's voice came through. "Only a clean shot will be taken."

Ressler took a breath of relief and noticed Tom's eyes grow dark. He was not happy that someone who had a conscience was on the other end of that sniper rifle. He thought Tom was becoming a better man. But, it seemed this need to prove himself to his mother and father outweighed all that. And now finding the man responsible for the loss of his childhood was going to undo all the good he had ever done. Was he really willing to risk Liz's life?

"You haven't picked yet, Christopher. Who dies first?" Withers questioned.

"Hey, asshole." Ressler spoke up. "You'll be dead before the bullet leaves the chamber."

"Oh, so you aren't the only one getting something extra on the side are you Christopher?" Withers pulled another gun out of his back pocket. "I taught myself at early age to shoot with both hands." He smirked. "Let me take care of this problem for you," he laughed as he pulled the trigger hitting Ressler square in the chest twice.

Ressler felt the impact twice as he fell backwards and out the door. He heard her screams and the door open again and felt hands on him. Harsh and heard Tom's voice. Liz crying. Liz screaming. Liz. Liz. Liz. A slap to the face. Gasping for breath.

"Get your ass up," Tom growled, his gun still trained on Withers. Liz's captor left unattended.

"What the fuck, man?" Ressler pulled himself up as he gasped for air.

They were now all out on the street. People who were walking about scattered quickly at the showdown that now took place. Ressler stood on unsteady feet next to Tom who still maintained his line of sight on Withers. Ressler raised his gun back on the barista and Rowen had managed to get herself to their side and was closer to Ressler.

"Well, now that we know you're wearing a vest," Withers chuckled. "I'll have to aim elsewhere next time." He turned to Liz. "You thought the wig would fool me. That little act with your boyfriend back in there, that wasn't an act either, was it Princess? Nah, I know a thing or two about Christopher and those in his life. I've been following the little shit all his life. Compiling what I needed so I could use it if I ever needed to get to the Hargraves. It was rather helpful pushing Kirk in their direction."

"You're responsible for Kirk hiring Halcyon?" Liz, who had been ignoring him and watching Ressler whipped her head back to Withers.

"Yeah, Princess. And you were supposed to find out and leave him. Leave him and he was supposed to be devastated." Withers stomped the ground. "I mean come the fuck on little girl! His mom was hired to kidnap you. And it led to your daughter's premature birth?" He shook his head. "You two are idiots. How you managed to have a child. But, I digress. Christopher, chose." He pointed one gun on Nadia and waved the other briefly to Liz.

"He's right, man. You'll be dead the minute you pull the trigger. Is it worth it?" Tom asked.

"I find it interesting that you keep your weapon pointed at me, when my associate is the one with the gun to your wife." Withers said. "Don't you find that interesting, Lizzie?" He reached his free hand out and ran it down her face. "The Fed cares though. Maybe I should make Christopher kill the Fed in exchange for your life. That could really up the game. Would you forgive him if he killed the Fed?"

Ressler kept his eyes on Liz. If Tom had to shoot him to keep Liz alive then so be it. His life had no meaning. Liz had Agnes. But, if he died to keep Liz alive and Liz stayed with that shit bag he'd haunt the hell out of her. That was for damn sure.

"You're sick," Liz spat. "You think if you make Tom kill my partner I'll hate him? You already said you plan to kill my daughter. There will be no coming back from that if she dies because of him. So, what does it matter. Kill me. Just kill me."

"She'll hate you." Withers chuckled. "She may not know it, Christopher. But, she loves that man right there. Not you. Him. And if you killed him she'd hate you forever. So, go on. Kill him." He cocked his gun and pushed it harder to Nadia's head. "Shoot him now or I drop this one."

"I'm not going kill him." Tom shook his head.

"You've had your suspicions about them, Christopher. Your doubts. If she hadn't killed Tom Connolly she'd never be with you right now. Do you know that? You're a mere substitute. A cheap one at that for the man she can't have. For the man she abandoned," Withers goaded. "Be the man she truly knows you are. And be the man Nadia here wants and kill the Fed. Save them both. Kill the Fed."

Ressler saw the flicker in Tom's eyes. Withers was truly trying to push Tom in to killing him and Ressler wasn't sure if Tom was willing to do it in order to save Liz's life but there was that flicker. And that flicker told him everything.

"I'm sorry, boy scout."

"Fuck you, you aren't sorry for shit," Ressler hissed as he felt the bullet tear through his non dominant shoulder.

And that was all it took for Liz to take her opportunity to try to get away from her captor by grinding her heal in to her toes then elbowing her in the gut before flipping her over. She had her gun in a matter of a seconds. Ressler was by her side by the time she had the gun. Navabi took a shot at Withers, while not a head shot, it was shoulder shot that forced him to drop his gun so Tom rushed him forcing him to release Nadia.

Once they thought the dust settled and they were cuffing Withers and his accomplice they heard a van come screeching down the road and the sound of bullets hitting the glass on the buildings around them. Ressler's first thought was Liz. He pushed the barista out of the way and threw Liz to the ground and covered her with his own body. He felt searing pain then not much more other than screaming and hands. Then the cold.

 

IIIIIIII

_**LIZ** _

"I can't believe he shot you. He just shot you." Liz was looking at Ressler's arm as she was cuffing the barista. She shot a look over at Tom who cuffing Withers with Nadia and Rowen. He had done a lot of things to get the job done but this really was low. "It looks like a through and through however."

"I'm gonna kick his ass, Liz. Don't try to stop me," Ressler managed to say despite the pain in his ribs.

"I won't," she chuckled.

That's when she heard the tires screeching and the van flying down the corner. And then the bullets spraying and hitting the glass. She saw Rowen fall. And noticed Tom pull Nadia down for cover and had one second to wonder why she wasn't the one he worried about when she felt the wind get knocked out of her and a pressure like nothing else fall on top of her. It was as if whatever it was, was cocooning itself around her. Then the hand closing around hers. His hand. It was Ressler. And the blood trickling down said hand. She heard a moan when all was said and done.

"Liz? Ressler?" She heard Samar scream and sirens in the background.

"Lizzie?" Tom's voice at her side.

The pressure was gone.

"Shit, Liz. Are you hit?" Tom's hands were on her searching for injuries. "Talk to me, Liz."

"It's not mine," she said referring to the blood on her. She looked over to where Samar was pulling off Ressler's vest. "It's not fucking mine!" She pushed Tom off her and crawled over to Ressler. "Ress? Ressler? Come on, open your eyes."

"Let me check you Liz," Tom tried again.

"Get away from me!" She screamed with such force even Samar raised an eyebrow.

"She's fine. Just in shock. Go take care of the others," Samar said as she continued to assess Ressler. When Tom walked away she turned to Liz. "Liz, this is bad you know that right?" Liz nodded yes. "I need you to put pressure right here."

"Liz," Ressler mumbled.

"I'm here," she said softly as she ran her hand through his hair. Snow started coming down. His blood staining the already snow covered ground. She wondered if this wasn't what it was like for him the day Audrey died.

"Audrey's here," he said softly. "I want to go with her."

"No," Liz chocked back a sob. "Please, Ress. Don't." He wasn't looking at her. His eyes were looking upwards. "Ress, she can't have you ok? Not yet."

"She said it's not time." He turned his head to look at Liz. "I love you," he said so softly she almost missed it then he shut his eyes.

"Ma'am, please, out of the way," a paramedic spoke as they rushed up to him.

Samar pulled Liz aside and held her close. They watched as the medics prepped him for transport. When they had him loaded they allowed Liz to ride in the front of the ambulance as they transported him to the hospital. She nearly died when they said they were losing him. She couldn't lose him. She refused to lose him. The one person in her life who was always there for her always and never lied to her. Who always gave it to her straight. How would she go on with him gone?

"Liz?" Tom called out as she sat next to Red as they waited for word on Ressler's surgery in a private waiting area. "How is he?"

"You." She stood up. Red stood up and took his place next to her. "Get the hell out of here."

"Come on, don't be like. I just want to see how he is. He is in there because he saved your life. I owe him."

"No, Tom. I owe him for that. From what I'm told you were more concerned about your partner than Elizabeth," Red spoke up. Fury in his eyes. "He would have had you kill Donald. And I believe you would have. Despite there being other options. Knowing the pain it would caused Elizabeth."

"I had no choice but to shoot him." Tom held his hands up in defense. "Lizzie, you were there. It was only after I shot him that we were able diffuse the situation."

Liz was still covered in Ressler's blood. She put her hands out for Tom to see. "He protected me. He saved my life. While you protected hers. You didn't even look back to see if I was ok. I looked for you. You were my first thought. I wasn't yours. That's not ok, Tom. That's not even remotely ok."

"She is my partner. He is yours. It's how it works. You know that." Tom leaned against a wall. "It's not that I wasn't worried. I knew Ressler would take a bullet for you. He would protect you."

"You never once tried to protect or save me. It was her. The whole time. It was her."

"We aren't doing this now. You are emotional. Once he's out of surgery and you know he'll be fine we can talk." Tom pushed off the wall and started to walk away.

"How long have you been screwing her?" Liz called out.

Tom's body grew rigid. She knew that stance. And this was not going to be pretty. He was about to transform in to a person she didn't like. This was the person he became to protect himself. When he needed to hide who he was to protect himself from the hurt. His defense mechanism. Well, she didn't give a damn because this Tom gave her the truth. The ugly honest truth.

"I haven't been screwing her, Lizzie. But, if you must know there have been feelings. We have been working on our covers for that deep cover op you keep telling me you don't want me to do. And I'm sorry if you don't like it but when I take on a persona it's all or nothing. I've been holding back. Because of you. Because of Agnes. I can't be the best at my job because you hold me back." His eyes flickered and she knew he regretted part of what he said but some of it was true.

"I'll save you the trouble. Go. Go do whatever the hell it is they want you to do. When you come back we will work out an agreement for Agnes. But, we are done." Liz sat back down. "I think we can both agree we got back together for all the wrong reasons. And now, you just proved to me that I can't trust you. So, go."

Tom just stared at Liz. Unmoving. Reddington nodded to one of his men who was stationed at the end of the hall and as he made a move towards Tom it was when he finally made his move to leave. He looked like he wanted to say something else but didn't. Liz and Red were left alone in the quiet waiting area once again. It had been a few hours since Ressler had gone in to surgery. The hospital had been low on his blood type but as luck would have it, Ressler received a private blood donation. Red rubbed his arm and finally rolled his sleeve down smirking at the memory of his last transfusion.

"His recovery is going to be long this time Elizabeth. They had to crack his chest and restart his heart. It won't be like the last time," Red spoke softly as he took her hand. "If you can't be there for him the whole way through don't be there now. He needs someone to see him through the end."

"I'm not leaving him."

Liz leaned her head back and closed her eyes. No, she was not leaving him this time around. She would stay by his side and help him every step of the way. She would push all of her emotional baggage aside and focus on him for once like he had done so often for her. He deserved that much. And she'd find other people to talk to about how she felt about what just happened with Tom. Because while it was a long time in the making, it did hurt. He was the father of her child. And she knew in his own way he loved her and she wouldn't lie, she did love him. Just not enough to stay with him.

But, right now there was someone who needed her to be strong. To help see him through a very difficult path. And Liz would be as strong as she could be. But, before she could do any of that she needed to clean up. She was still covered in his blood and every time she looked at her hands or clothes she shuttered. So, when Dembe walked up to her with a duffle bag she took it gratefully and with a soft kiss to his cheek she slowly walked to the single bathroom down the hall, locked the door and broke down in a heap of tears on the floor. The weight of the day getting to her. She'd give herself a moment to lose it before cleaning up and marching back out in the waiting area with Red and continue her vigil. Ressler would pull through.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is the final chapter so I just want to thank everyone who has left a review or who has taken the time to read this. I hope it has helped restore some Keenler feels in us as we end hiatus and get ready for show to come back January 5! You guys are all awesome! Thanks so much for reading. I hope you enjoy and remember reviews are always appreciated!

**Not Your Time**

**Chapter 3**

 

**2 DAYS LATER**

_**LIZ** _

"How is she doing?" Liz asked softly in to the phone. "Thank you, Aram. I bet she just loves Uncle Aram's." She glanced down at Ressler who had his leg up in raised position and in a cast after having both his leg and hip shattered from a bullet. His shoulder and chest were wrapped in big bandages. And his forehead had a huge gash where his head hit the concrete. "Still no change. I'll be by in an hour or so to pick her up. Thanks."

She leaned over and pushed his hair back before settling back in her chair. There had been a lot of time to think about things in the past two days. She thought about how if she hadn't forced him to wear his vest when they left the van to get coffee he would have died right away. Those first two rounds that he took to the vest would have killed him. She was so thankful something told her to force him to put it on. Call it intuition. Call it divine intervention. Call it what you will but that stubborn will of hers saved him from those first two initial hits. She refused to think of what she'd be looking over now if she hadn't forced it on him.

Then there was Withers and how he goaded Tom. How he knew the things he knew. While he didn't explicitly say he knew about her and Ressler…he knew. If the man said he had kept tabs on Tom's life and those in it and if was the one who led Kirk to Halcyon then he knew about Liz and Ressler's secret. It wasn't anything as sordid as Withers tried to make it sound by any means. A few late night dinners. Talks of how if they weren't work partners what would life be like. If there was no Reddington. No Blacklist. And she thought she may have found someone she wanted to try again with. Maybe talk to Cooper and see what the rules were.

Ressler was a good man. And Tom was everything Ressler was not. Polar opposites. And perhaps that was why when she was framed for the OREA bombing and all that went down why she turned to Tom for comfort and ran from Ressler. She knew Ressler had a job to do and he would do it the only way he knew how. By giving it his 110%. She knew Ressler the Agent. Ressler the man was still new to her. Tom was there and she knew what to expect. And he was willing to break any all rules to help her. And she didn't worry about what trouble that would get him in to.

The knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts and she smiled at Samar who held take out containers.

"No change?"

"They said to expect him to be this way for a few more days. Extensive trauma. And having to crack his chest didn't help." Liz sniffed the boxes. "Mmmm, Thai Curry?"

"From your favorite place." She pulled the hospital tray towards them. "I can't stay long. I just wanted to make sure you ate. Cooper said to let you know you don't need to come in anytime soon."

"Did they find Withers?"

"They found the van. Burned. No bodies." Samar picked at her curry. "They won't confirm but Reddington told Cooper we don't need to worry about him. That Halcyon took care of it."

Liz just shook her head. She didn't care how they did it. Just that the threat to her daughter was gone and the people who put Ressler in this position were out of play. She watched the rise and fall of his chest and found comfort in it. They ate their meal in relative quiet and her mind kept going back to the last words he said. "I love you." Three simple words. Three words that had he said back before her world got flipped upside down would have changed everything. Had he said it before she infected the Senator, before she shot Connolly. Had she even had the slightest inkling he felt that for her maybe her life would have been completely different. But, she wouldn't have Agnes. And she wouldn't trade Agnes for anything.

"What he said, Liz. You know he meant it, right?"

"I don't know that. He was losing blood. He thought he saw his dead fiancé," Liz tried to reason.

"We don't know if he did or didn't see her." Samar stole a glance at Ressler. "I do know he meant what he said. It's up to you when he wakes up to decide what to do with it." She got up and tossed her trash away. "Just don't waste any more time. If you haven't discovered by now, it's fleeting and it's precious."

With those parting words she left Liz alone with just Ressler. The rise and fall of his chest. The constant beep on his monitor. The memory of that birthday dinner. The bottle of wine they shared. The conversation they had afterwards and the hope of something better. Something new between them. Then the world flipped. Everything just got tossed around. And he was too good of a person for her. He deserved better than her. She knew she hurt him with everything that happened and that killed her. But, he deserved better. She could never be the person for him. She was a killer. She had a black soul. He was a good person. She could never be who he needed. It was best that they never got the chance to see where they could end up.

But, now. Now, she would stick by his side through thick and thin as his friend. No matter what. She was also a shit friend. She recognized that and it was something she was going to work on now that Tom was gone. She had focused on herself so much in the past year or so, and rightfully so to some extent. Her life had been in danger but there were people who put themselves on the line for her and her family. She made a vow to make them a priority. Ressler was one of them. The doctors said he had a very long road ahead of him. Months of physical therapy to be able to walk again. But, she'd be there. And as much as he'd object Reddington was already preparing for the best that his money could buy to help aid in his recovery. Liz couldn't wait for that one.

"You know, you can't just say you love me and then almost die on me. That's not exactly fair, Ress. I need to know. Was it to me? Or were you hallucinating and talking to her? I can never be her. She was good. She was the kind of woman you deserve. I'm everything you don't need. The baggage I bring. We should have tried sooner. My birthday. Oh, Ress. That night. I swore after I left our office I thought, this is it. I finally had a chance at real happiness. Then everything just went to shit. I ran from the one person who consistently time and time again showed their loyalty to me. God, I don't deserve you at all."

She laid her head on his pillow and held his hand. This was easy. Talking to him when he couldn't interrupt or say anything. It was easy when she was talking to man who was unconscious because she wouldn't have to account for the words coming out of her mouth. This was easy. Everything else was hard. Harder than most things she faced.

"I told him to leave. You were right about him. He and I…, it was comfortable you know? I was in love with the idea of him. Of what he represented. What I wanted and lost. But, it wasn't real anymore. He gave me Agnes and I'll always be grateful but I'm done living that life with him. He's not who he wants to be when with me and I'm not who I want to be. I'm not my better self. And I want to be my better self. I want to be a better mom. A better friend. A better person. You help me be a better person. I can't lose you."

IIIIIIII

_**RESSLER** _

He felt like he was in limbo. He couldn't quite describe the feeling. But, there were times where he was being pulled out of that limbo and each time he heard Liz's voice. Her voice was soothing. But, with her voice came the cold and the pain. So, to escape the pain he went back to the warmth and the place he called limbo. Limbo and Audrey. Audrey and the sweet little brunette toddler at her legs. His child. Their child. He liked limbo. He didn't want to leave limbo.

"Donnie, you can't stay here. And you can't go with us. You have to follow her voice. She needs you. We are happy where we are."

"Sweets, I'm ok going with you. I want to. Liz will be fine. She has Tom. She has her daughter," Ressler said as he reached out to her.

"No, Donnie. She needs you." Audrey patted the toddler on her head. "We are here to make you go back. It's not your time. I know it hurts but you need to go back. The pain will last longer than the last time but I promise you, that there is a lifetime of happiness waiting for you. Just go back."

He stared at Audrey for a long time. He loved her so much and losing her nearly destroyed him. What cruel world would allow him to see her and their child again like this only to tell him he had to leave her? And for her to know he had feelings for another? Ressler at times found himself feeling guilty that he was living life while Audrey was dead. Felt guilty at having feelings for Liz and wishing he could be with her when he was to blame Audrey was gone. No. It was better this way. If he stayed here with Audrey he could be with her and their child and he would never run the risk of hurting Liz or losing Liz again. This was better. Why couldn't Audrey see this. And it wasn't fair to give him this chance to be with her just to take it away so soon.

"I'm not ready to lose you again, Audrey," he admitted and felt a tear roll down his face.

"You never lost me, Donnie. I'll always be right here. We will always be right here." She reached over touched his heart. "But, she can't lose you. Trust me?" She leaned in, softly kissing his cheek. "I want you to move on and be happy." Audrey backed away before he could reach out for her.

Ressler heard the faint sound of Liz and felt pressure on his hand. He looked down and saw nothing but still, he felt the pressure. The toddler began to fade. He reached out. He didn't want to lose the child. Not after just meeting her. He felt cold and Liz's words grew louder. His body ached and pain began to rip through him. Audrey began to fade and a smile graced her face just before she faded away. Then he felt the warmth completely leave him and Liz's voice was clear as day. The beep of a hospital monitor steady as can be.

"You help me be a better person. I can't lose you," she said softly.

His eyes began to flutter. The monitor began to change its tune and Liz perked up as she looked at him. Her face broke out in a huge smile as his eyes finally opened. Ressler turned to look at her and grimaced as the pain ripped through his body. He tried to speak but his throat ached.

"They had you intubated so your throat is probably sore. Let me get your doctor and maybe some water or ice. I'll be right back." She grinned widely and rushed off.

He no longer remembered being in limbo or what he saw there. All he could recall now was the events that led to him being in this hospital bed and he was thankful to see Liz alive and well. The last thing he fully remembered was throwing himself over her body. She returned and the doctor looked him over and said they'd be back to run some more tests. He was nervous to be left alone with Liz which was ridiculous but he was. Things were said and done that day.

"The doctor didn't expect you to be awake so soon. Samar was just here. You missed her."

"How long," he croaked.

"Two days," she offered as she handed him some water in a cup with a straw.

"How bad?" He sipped gently as Liz held the cup for him. Ressler felt some water dribble down and felt the embarrassment creep up when Liz went to wipe it away. She smiled softly as if it was nothing. Right, the mom thing. Even more embarrassing in his eyes.

"They lost you twice. Once in the ambulance. Once on the operating table. They had to crack your chest open to restart your heart. You have a wound to your shoulder thanks to Tom," she started.

"Shit bag," Ressler hissed.

"One to your leg and hip. Another your chest. And a nasty gash to your head. You have a few cracked ribs from the two point blank shots you took to the vest."

"Thank you," he mumbled.

Liz smirked and her dimples showed. "Oh, you mean for forcing the Kevlar on you? Yeah, no problem." Her smirk dropped and she reached for his hand again. "Thank you. For saving my life." She leaned in and gently kissed his cheek. When she pulled back her eyes were serious. "Don't you ever scare me like that again. Ever. I'm a big girl. You don't need to protect me all the time."

"Someone had to," Ressler said and regretted the words the moment they came out of this mouth.

"I'm going to call Cooper and let him know you are awake. I'll be right back." Liz moved to get up.

He had hurt her. After everything. He could tell by her clothes, even in his foggy state, he could tell she hadn't left his side. And he set out to hurt her by those three words. It wasn't her fault Tom didn't put her first. She more than likely felt terrible about that. And he was making it a point to remind her of it. He truly was an ass. Besides that, his body was full of so much pain and all he wanted was to have a nurse come in and pump him full of strong narcotics. But, he was scared. He didn't want to fall down that slippery slope. He needed Liz. More than he ever needed someone.

"Please don't go. Not yet," he pleaded. His eyes locked with hers. A wave of pain rushed through him and he groaned. "Shit, they really don't prepare you for this in the academy."

"There's a lot they don't prepare us for." She softened. "I told your doctor about your problem."

"My addiction. It's fine, Liz. You can say it." He grimaced.

"While you were unconscious they had you on non-narcotics but he said when you awoke they could give you stronger pain meds and just monitor you for the signs of trouble. He said you are going to need them." She reached out and took his hand as another wave of pain hit him.

"No." He shook his. "Not yet. Let me try without." He squeezed her hand tightly and looked her eye in the eye.

"I'll be by your side every step of the way. I promise you."

"And Tom?"

"Gone."

Ressler closed his eyes and turned his head to the side for a moment. He took a deep breath. Finally, she was free. Free from that shit bag. The man who used her. Who manipulated her. She was free to be who she was on the path to becoming before the cabal ruined her life. He hoped he could see that journey but who knew where he would end up. He wasn't naïve enough to believe he would ever end up back on the job.

The doctor briefly told him he'd likely have months of physical therapy to walk again due to the hip injury. He wasn't sure he was ok with riding a desk. And riding a desk on the task force would essentially kill him. No, if he couldn't recover he'd leave the FBI and find something else. And he'd be leaving Liz behind. Well, that wasn't an option. He'd experienced a world without Elizabeth Keen. And it wasn't one he wanted to be in. So, in that bed with Liz by his side he silently vowed he would recover fully and get back to being field ready. He would be busting down doors before he knew it. And by the look on her face, he knew Liz would help him through it.


End file.
